My Story; Your Song.

You see I've got this problem & it's certainly a paradox.

Not sure if I've mentioned it here before but I want to do it again cos it's disturbing me a whole freaking load.

Firstly, friends who know me long enough will ascertain themselves that I'm never a stupid, retarded fart. I'm the TOTAL opposite; Despicable or intelligent & proud to annouce an IQ of 142.

Secondly, the honest truth behind those lies for me just came to me by my automatically analytical imbuilt skills. No, not once, not twice, not thrice but 90% of the time & FUCK.. I'm hurt.

Thirdly, I'm determined to become stupid & less alert to my surroundings to practically REFRAIN myself from knowing too much. YES, that SERIOUS cos I'm fucking tired already..

Go fuck yourself if you think I'm lying, boasting, blowing my trumpet or whatever. Cos what I mentioned here are facts & nothing but the truth.

It may sound drama-mama, trying to cook up stories, make up excuses but seriously cant be bothered cos this post is for your view but the purpose is to give myself stress to change.

& so I forced myself to become STUPID. Like how a normal 18 year old teenager boy is. So innocent, not much idea abt the pragmatic world.. Being more emotional wasnt included in the plan but it's here.

Then look, now I'm being potrayed as an idiot, 'blonde', retard. YES!! I've achieved it. Aint I suppose to be happy?

BUT NOOOOO....... it's giving me a BIGGER problem.

Whatever it is, now, I'm determined to be how I was to safeguard & prolong my happiness. The process is so tedious. I cant possibly change overnight so here you see me.. 30% 'opposite of retard', 70% 'retard', & so on in time.

I'M STRUGGLING HERE.

Can I tell you my problems? No, you'll belittle me.

Can I tell you my problems? No, you've a hidden agenda.

WHO CAN I TALK TO ABT HOW I'M FEELING NOW?

Dont tell me you can be my listening ear cos if you can, I would have approached you already. So basically, I'm on my own to fight this comabt. ALL BY MYSELF.

Nevertheless, I will not give up cos my aim is there & I WILL ACHIEVE IT NO MATTER WHAT.

Melt this facade of mine. Emotions under control.

I see us in the near future.