Posting everyday 'cos I'm bored @ home

Week before birthday is always boring. Guess most are preparing or smth, being stealthy not to let me get a clue. Haha! Top this combination with holidays, when everyone is working. & I dont ask anyone out at all. Or maybe a few.

Wonder where this mindset vanish to. Used to love being the limelight, responding like I'm not interested/ dont even bother to reply & feel proud. But no, these characteristics just dissolve totally at some point of time. I tried & tried to grasp on to my attributes but still, succumbed to my adrenaline rush.

& I hate it, I really do. My egoistic self fears giving too much care but none reciprocated. Lost myself in my own pool of emotions a few times. The feeling sucks. 18 relationships but none made me feel this way. Wtf. I'm really not serious at all in the past. Girls just throw themselves onto me & I took them all for granted.

Then again, after pulling myself tgt, I find it all worthwhile. Not everyone has the faculty to love. Especially ppl of my character. Able to love is an elation already. Being loved is a bonus.

To think the positive kel was feeling down and up like a roller coaster becos of this matter. Am glad in a way though cos I believe hurdles after hurdles make one stronger.

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Wed, Thurs gone. Fri, Sat, Sun tentative. Either of these 2 days cfm not free. Cant wait!!